Ex- England leader Lewis Moody has disclosed he has been diagnosed with motor neurone disease and stated he cannot yet deal with the full ramifications of the muscle-wasting condition that claimed the lives of fellow rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The 47-year-old, who was a member of the 2003 Rugby World Cup-winning side and secured multiple English and European titles with Leicester, spoke to BBC Breakfast two weeks after discovering he has the disease.
"There's an element of looking the future in the face and not wanting to completely absorb that at the moment," he said.
"It isn't that I don't understand where it's progressing. We grasp that. But there is definitely a unwillingness to face what's ahead for now."
Moody, speaking alongside his wife Annie, says rather he feels "calm" as he directs his attention to his immediate wellbeing, his family and planning ahead for when the disease progresses.
"Maybe that's trauma or maybe I process things uniquely, and when I have the information, it's more manageable," he stated further.
Early Indications
Moody learned he had MND after observing some weakness in his shoulder while training in the gym.
After physical therapy was ineffective for the issue, a number of scans indicated nerves in his brain and spinal cord had been affected by MND.
"You receive this diagnosis of MND and we're rightly quite affected about it, but it's rather peculiar because I feel like nothing's wrong," he added.
"I don't feel ill. I don't sense unwell
"The signs I have are very minor. I have some muscle loss in the hand and the upper arm.
"I remain capable of performing whatever I want. And with luck that will persist for as long as is possible."
Illness Progression
MND can advance swiftly.
According to the non-profit MND Association, the condition claims a third of people within a 365 days and above half within 24 months of detection, as swallowing and respiration become increasingly challenging.
Treatment can only delay decline.
"It isn't ever me that I feel sad for," stated an moved Moody.
"It's about the sadness around having to inform my mum - as an only child - and the consequences that has for her."
Personal Consequences
Conversing from the family home with his wife and their pet dog by his side, Moody was overcome with emotion when he discussed informing his sons - teenage Dylan and 15-year-old Ethan - the heartbreaking news, saying: "That represented the most difficult thing I've ever had to do."
"These are two brilliant boys and that was quite upsetting," Moody remarked.
"We positioned ourselves on the couch in crying, Ethan and Dylan both wrapped up in each other, then the dog bounded over and began removing the tears off our faces, which was quite silly."
Moody explained the priority was being in the now.
"There is no cure and that is why you have to be very intensely focused on just embracing and appreciating everything now," he said.
"According to Annie, we've been really blessed that the only real decision I made when I retired from playing was to spend as much period with the kids as attainable. We won't recover those times back."
Sportsman Link
Top-level competitors are disproportionately impacted by MND, with studies indicating the prevalence of the condition is up to 600% elevated than in the general population.
It is thought that by limiting the O2 obtainable and causing injury to neural pathways, frequent, strenuous physical activity can initiate the disease in those previously predisposed.
Rugby Playing Days
Moody, who gained 71 England selections and competed with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was dubbed 'Mad Dog' during his playing career, in recognition of his fearless, unwavering approach to the game.
He played through a bone injury of his leg for a period with Leicester and once initiated a practice confrontation with team-mate and friend Martin Johnson when, frustrated, he discarded a tackle pad and began throwing himself into tackles.
After appearing as a replacement in the Rugby World Cup championship win over Australia in 2003, he claimed a ball at the back of the line-out in the crucial moment of play, setting a foundation for playmaker Matt Dawson to snipe and Jonny Wilkinson to execute the game-deciding field goal.
Assistance Community
Moody has previously told Johnson, who led England to that victory, and a handful of other former team-mates about his medical situation, but the rest will be learning his news with the rest of public.
"There shall be a time when we'll need to rely on their backing but, at the moment, just having that sort of love and recognition that people are present is what's important," he stated.
"This game is such a wonderful group.
"I said to the kids the other day, I've had an incredible life.
"Even when it ended now, I've appreciated all of it and accepted all of it and got to do it with exceptional people.
"When you get to consider your love your profession, it's one of the most significant privileges.
"Achieving this for so extended a time with the squads that I did it with was a joy. And I understand they will wish to help in any way they can and I await having those discussions."
